I messaged a friend the other day, out of the blue. I had been dreaming about her all night, we were literally just hanging out in the dream realm. I knew it was an indication to message her.
And I am glad that I did.
It seemed she really needed somebody to talk to and had a lot going on.
All of a sudden all my problems diminished into thin air as if they didn’t matter. Not because hers were ‘worse’ than mine. But because, I all of a sudden, had more capacity to listen and advise my friend here, once I realised my problems are taking up space that they didn’t need to.
This is not to bypass my problems - they were still there. But I know I have more capacity than others when it comes to holding space, I have trained myself for this and this is one of my gifts.
I move through things fast. I integrate whatever is coming through fast. I am able to feel everything, acknowledge it and move on quite fast. This is not a talent, it’s not a tool, it’s learnt behaviour so that I can hold space for others. So I can do what I came to this planet to do.
That takes resilience to really integrate and learn.
See, I always felt as if I was disassociating (hello Aquarius moon + childhood trauma), however I started to see when dissociation started to turn into alchemisation.
That was the key.
This took A LOT of behaviour observation. When you are good at disassociating - for whatever reason - this really helps with behavioural observation. Because you are able to separate from the ego for a moment and really observe what is happening right now.
Between the emotions, the mind, the ego - all of it.
As I moved through my journey - I started to observe my emotions whilst still feeling them. I was no longer reacting, ‘as much’. Because I am still human and I am also a fiery Italian, so you better believe I react at times.
I understood deeply that the reactions were often just my inner child screaming to be seen.
So I took matters into my own hands and I SAW her. I acknowledged her pain, her strength, her emotions, all of it.
Then I became the observer.
As the observer I can balance my nervous system and work through whatever is coming up at a much faster rate. I can go deeper faster and I can come out faster. All done by simply acknowledging what is happening and at a deeper level, why.
It almost always comes from unmet needs. Once we realise that, we are on the home stretch.
Then I am able to give myself reassurance or a solution at a deeper level.
So that you understand how I process this, here is an example from this week.
I started to feel a deep frustration in my body. It came over me really heavy and really fast. I felt it deep in my body and it didn’t feel great. I observed it and at the same time listened to my intuition which guided me to go have a sauna.
When I was in the sauna, the frustration was coming over even harder to the point I was fighting with myself in this sauna to make sure I did the 15 minutes and not give up. As I caught onto what I was doing, I started to step out as the observer. I started chanting the affirmation ‘Thank you frustration for showing me clarity’. I said it about 50 times. I just kept going. As the frustration continued to move through me, very uncomfortably - adding a hot sauna to the mix.
By the end of the session - I had clarity. Not complete clarity. But I understood deeper where the frustration was coming from and what my next steps were.
It’s a bit like mirror work. It’s honouring what all parts of us are wanting in that moment and giving it to her. Mine wanted clarity. My inner child wanted to be seen when she was usually ignored. That’s all it took.
Within a day - this specific frustration had shifted. I no longer was dwelling on my ‘problem’ instead I had observed them, integrated them and moved on.
It was my learnt resilience to observe, integrate, learn & apply.
This might sound very mechanical to some, but this is my blueprint.
Understanding how you operate at a deeper level, much different to others, is also the key to learning how to move faster.
Coming back to the space I am creating, I realised this is a part of my purpose.
When my friend messaged that day, it really solidified this for me.
I was able to open up space for her and allow her to move through in a way that I hadn’t before. Because I had real open space. I was able to move it all.
I was a complete channel for her and her growth.
That is key to being a really good healer / coach / mentor - whatever you want to be. If you can completely drop out of your energetic field and into others, even in the middle of your own chaos, then you are doing the best you can.
In the middle of it, she had said to me ‘I have listened to podcasts, read articles, talked to professionals & tried everything, but this conversation has helped me more than I could ever imagine’.
When I reflect on it, I don’t even know what I said to her (as it was channeling information) - but as I was saying it, I felt fully present in her energetic field and I felt fully out of my own.
I knew this was the magic I was stepping into.
This is just another level, another layer. Another way of being.
All the frustration, anger, things going wrong this week were leading me to let go of the old way of being.
Even writing this article has shifted the way of being for me.
So how do you become the observer?
I get asked this a lot and the honest answer is, there is no shortcut. But there are practices that build the muscle over time.
There is no one way of doing this. There’s no way to say do this and it will happen. This simply happens over time with lots of practice and patience.
Here are some tools that can help. But my biggest advice is to be gentle with yourself, every single time you feel out of control. Don’t try to control it, just sit with it. Stretch it more and more.
Meditation: This is one major way to observe our thoughts. Meditation teaches us to observe the thoughts that come through during mediation. If you have learnt to only quiet the mind during meditation, you have been taught wrong. It’s all about allowing the thoughts to come up, watch them. Quite literally watch them with your third eye and watch them pass by. This is observation.
Somatic exercise: Whatever you can do to clear the density out of your body will help you become a much more clear vessel to observe. Dancing, crying, moving whichever way feels good to you. I love to do somatic mirror work and really move the body while looking deep into the mirror. Massage, exercise and any other movement can also help with this.
Decalcify the pineal gland: This is a hard one and a little controversial but clear third eye = clearer channel. Eating healthy, clean, wholefoods is key for this. Breathwork with clear intention to open the pineal gland. Not putting toxins in our body - as best as we can. This is hard in the world we live in but we can try our best. This is not having refined sugars, toxic fake sugars, toxic ingredients in food, drinking tap water, fluoride etc Eating things like spirulina, chlorella, raw cacao, and turmeric will help. You can also try extended darkness or silent retreats to heighten inner perception.
Work with your inner child: What does he / she want to say. What are his / her fears. Where wasn’t he / her listened to. Follow that instinct and bring each emotion that arises - where does it connect to.
Continue working on yourself: Trust yourself more, personal development, holistic work. Clear as much density from every part of your being.
By the way - when I say clear your channel - the reason for this is so that you don’t get easily caught up in the emotions. If we have a clearer channel we can tap into the observer much easier. But if we still have a lot of density in the body and stories playing out in our mind, it becomes very hard to become the observer.
Where have you felt recently that there were moments that you could not shift? How did you move through them?
